Immersed

She was so immersed in her thoughts.

However, every now and then, she glanced to her right. Someone sat beside her; he had a tall posture, black hair, and almond-shaped eyes. Sometimes he started a conversation with her; sometimes it was her turn to do it first. If they didn’t talk with each other, they would play with their phones or just stare blankly at their surrounding, probably thinking what to talk next.

Once or twice she felt his eyes on her, but she acted like she didn’t know it. She kept her head down, fiddling with her pen. She didn’t want to look like she was interested.

On the rare occasion when they actually talked with each other, she couldn’t resist the urge to look into his dark eyes and his small lips accordingly. His eyes narrowed when he laughed, showing his white teeth. Sometimes he stuck his tongue or even bit his lower lip.

His lip-biting was her weakness. Every time he did that, she couldn’t help but imagining how soft his lips would be like. It was hard for her to not think about being pinned against the wall and kissed by him softly yet passionately at the same time. She had always been curious about how soft his hair would feel like when she raked her hands on his hair. Everything about him made her feel stupid and she wanted to learn more about the subject of him. How come her lecturer never taught her that?

She was so immersed in her thoughts.

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Dani, Moni, dan Semut Api

Aku menatap ke depan.

Urat-urat si pemilik jari di hadapanku menyembul. Cengkeramannya begitu kuat, sampai-sampai aku mundur beberapa langkah. Aku tidak bisa mengukur seberapa besar tangan tersebut dibandingkan dengan tubuh mungilku. Aku takut sekali, alih-alih tetap mempertahankan cengkeramannya, jari-jari itu akan melepaskannya dan malah mencengkeram, meremukkan badanku. Aku bergidik.

Aku memperhatikan jari-jari itu selama satu menit utuh, ingin sekali memastikan keberlangsungan hidupku selama minimal beberapa hari ke depan. Jari-jari itu tidak bergeser satu milimeterpun. Aku menarik napas lega, kemudian melanjutkan perjalananku mencari makanan.

Semenjak aku diadakan dari ketiadaan (hei, jangan salahkan aku jika aku tidak tahu proses diriku terbentuk), aku jarang bisa melihat makhluk hidup lain secara utuh dari dekat tanpa perlu menengadah. Bisakah kamu bayangkan sulitnya hidup jika kamu bahkan tidak bisa melihat apa yang datang menghampirimu. Aku harus berhati-hati setiap detiknya, di manapun aku berada, dan itu sangat melelahkan. Kadang-kadang, saat aku berpapasan dengan temanku, kami selalu bertukar sapaan sejenis “kemarin Polo mati tenggelam di genangan air” atau “akhirnya aku tahu bagaimana rasanya jadi burung berkat laki-laki muda yang menyentilku dari tangannya”.

Sudahkah kamu berhasil menebak siapa aku, Monster-Tidak-Peka-Penyiksa-Binatang-Kecil?

Ya, aku semut api yang tidak sengaja kamu injak tadi pagi.

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