This is When I Tried to Understand God’s Perspective

I’m always asking, “Why does God create us?” What does He want? Doesn’t He have anything to do and want something to play with? Does He feel lonely? Are we all a mere experiment to Him? A huge nonsense? What’s the point of Heaven and Hell, if those even exist? Why would He create us, watch us live and suffer and dead and live again, only to put us into Afterlife? What’s the point? Why? Why? Doesn’t He even exist, or am I talking about something that isn’t there in the first place?

I was crying one afternoon because I was so upset listening that non-Muslim people will go to Hell no matter how kind they are. They said it was like you were attending classes in the university you didn’t register. You might attend all classes, pass the tests with flying colours, but in the end you wouldn’t get any graduation certificate because you weren’t registered as a student in the first place. It was the same with religion; even though you do good deeds on Earth, you won’t be accepted in Muslim’s version of Heaven simply because you’re not a Muslim. Or any Heaven from any religion’s version, it doesn’t matter. I picked Islamic version because I’m a Muslim and that was what I know.

Perhaps there’s a different concept of Heaven?

Anyway, if the correct version of Heaven is the one I wrote before (only Muslim can enter—and they’re not even guaranteed to go there), does it feel right for you?

For me, it doesn’t feel right. Not even okay.

If you’re using Vine, you must be familiar with Jérôme Jarre. He’s French, now in Somalia helping people to stop famine and make them happy again. In the process, he met Muslim woman, talked with her, and she taught him how to say “Alhamdulillah”. He published on his Instagram, “Islam that world didn’t see”. “Islam is full of love”, and he spread the news even though he’s not a Muslim. I don’t know what he believes in, but now it doesn’t matter—what really matter is his helping people sincerely because he’s a human who wants to help other humans. As simple as that.

Just to make sure, I asked some Muslims, “Will non-Muslim be able to go to Heaven when they’re very kind to other human being while they live on Earth?” They said, “No, they can’t.”

However, if you read at the previous case, actually a non-Muslim guy is helping Muslim people in Somalia so they won’t starve anymore (yeah, he’s still doing it as I’m writing this post). They must be very thankful to him and to God as well, and Jérôme—intentionally or not—made some Somalis love God more because “God” finally sent them a good human being to help them. (I said “some” because probably some others decided not to believe in God anymore and just believe in the real thing.) According to Islam, Jérôme will go to Hell—really?? Are you serious? He’s helping Muslims, spreading the good about Islam to the world, yet he doesn’t deserve a Heaven at all? Must be kidding, right?

Why do we have to go to Heaven in the first place? From what I heard, anyone can get anything they want once they’re there—all they need to do is asking. What’s the purpose of living when you don’t have to fight for anything anymore? What’s your life purpose? Would life be boring, you think? If I were there I would be lazy all the time.

It made me frown; I really was confused. I didn’t get what God thought of all these things. If You’re really there, would You make me understand? Why are You so happy making people feel confused about You? Don’t You want to be understood, to be recognised? WHY are You making it so hard?

This was when I made an analogy.

I imagined myself as a mother of two children, a boy and a girl. Why would I have children? I don’t know; probably because I’m bored with my life and I want something new, because I want to give love to other creature (this doesn’t make sense though as there are still a lot of kids who need love and care, so why should I “create” a new one?), or because it’s an accident caused by uncontrolled lust?? (No way in hell!—well it’s just an instance.)

(Have you ever asked your parents why you were born? What did they have on their mind when they decided to have you? Did you dare to ask? I haven’t asked my own parents until now—I’m shy and afraid to make them angry. Why? They easily make a fuss about little things that feel personal and I don’t want to play with the fire. I do encourage you to ask your parents though, and let me know their answers if you don’t mind.)

Then sadly one of my kid, let’s say the old one, didn’t recognised me as his parent. Even though I cared and loved him so much and helped him to grow up until he became a man, I was invisible to him. The cause can be anything: he was hurt by me for some reason; I didn’t give enough love, care, or money; he found more loving and caring “mom” out there; or he simply was an asshole. Either way, I didn’t exist for him.

I would be very, very angry if it happened—and sad. Terribly sad.

Nonetheless, he really cared for his younger sister. He was always there for her, be a silly friend and a protective brother. He even made his sister loved me more as her mom. She thanked me for “giving” her such a kind brother whom she saw as her hero, even though she felt sad because she couldn’t encourage her brother to love me. She was torn.

So was I.

I would still love my children regardless of how they behaved towards me, especially if my son made my daughter loved me more although he didn’t intentionally do it. I really would love to reach for him again, but it was hard for me to do that because I didn’t exist in his world—there was nothing for me to do if he had already built such a tall, strong wall that was hard to break. I would be able to break it if only he allowed me to do so. I would feel resentful, but yeah… I could only shrug, I guess? I could provide an extremely beautiful place to live in, yet he refused to enter. Though, if in a blue moon he changed his mind and chose to come to me, I would gladly open my arms widely and accept him as he was.

Perhaps God is pretty much the same: feels betrayed when people don’t recognise His existence, desperately want people to come to Him but some people refuse, and so forth. I personally think that there’s a supreme being who created all of us. Since I was born as a Muslim, Allah is the God I know and Islam is the way of living that I understand. Yes, if I were born in a different family there were a chance I wouldn’t be a Muslim; I would be so different, thus I wouldn’t be “me” at all. Now I’ve found more peace in my belief. It doesn’t matter that there are many other religions or no religion at all. This is what I know, and I just want to go “home”.

What about other religions? Do they belong to the Heaven that I (don’t) know of? Maybe there are many Heavens out there, just like many countries in the world. Every country has its own system; none of them are wrong. It’s just a matter of what suits it best. Same goes with Heaven, maybe. (I wrote lots of “maybe” because I don’t know myself. Then again, who knows?) What if someone doesn’t believe in God or Heaven at all? They might not believe in it, but I believe that they will have a place as well. It’s better for them I think because they have nothing to expect.

Now that I wrote about it, it sounds silly that Heaven has many “countries”, but I just want kind people who aren’t Muslim also belong to Heaven, in their own terms, and I can meet family and friends again. Heaven won’t be so boring as long as I have them there, eh?

Everyone’s perception about God would differ, and it’s totally fine. No one knows the truth. My perception could change as well if I change my analogy, yours too, and there’s nothing we can do about it. I imagine myself as a parent who has children because that’s what makes sense for me so far; I’m open to new perspective if you care to share some to me. The bottom line is maybe it’s kind of useless to think about this abstract stuff, but having a place to stand on makes me feel in peace.

By the way, what do you have in mind?